He doesn’t love me anymore.
I know he never said he did, but I know he did. He was just afraid.
But now I just feel like he doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t feel anything from him anymore except sympathy.
I don’t want sympathy.
That simply wouldn’t do.
But talking doesn’t feel like talking anymore so what else was I supposed to do?
One day, God gifted me with perfection. He was quiet in his ways, but he knew how to make me smile. He was shy, but he was reliable. Dependable. He made little jokes with me and I laughed whenever I was with him. He was always there, always, by the end of the day.
His only flaw was that he didn’t exist in my reality.
But I loved him, and that’s what mattered then.
I realize now that it didn’t. Love was too much and love wasn’t enough. Love caused pain and love drove him away. But to blame love is like blaming the Sun for burning, for it couldn’t be helped even if you try to put it out with a million pails of water. What good would it be anyway?
I didn’t know that I was in love with somebody perfect. I know that now, but what good is now when it’s too late? I lost it and I lost him.
God gifted me with perfection and I wrecked it.
I wrecked it.
I wrecked me.
I know what goodbye feels like. I’ve seen it in films. I’ve read it in books. I know what goodbye feels like.
So why am I not ready for this?
The wait. The hardest part is always the wait.
You wish for it all to end. You wish for it all to heal,
But time doesn’t allow it now.
So you wait till one day you wake up
And the numbness is gone
The deafening silence
And the emptiness that you feel
You want it gone
Time doesn’t allow it now
And you wander the streets like a ghost
Looking for her lost soul
And you walk down the sorrow
Hoping you’d feel the scorching sun on your skin
Because you want to be alive again
You want to fly off and be free like the birds you see
But the pain keeps you chained up to the ground
With nothing but a broken heart
So you wait
I write about love and heartbreak
it’s the only thing I know about
it’s the only thing I don’t know about.